We all know Conker as the bad-mouthed Squirrel star of Conker’s Bad Fur Day, the cutesy-looking Rare game with Parental Advisory branding that shocked the world. Squirrels aren’t known for being lewd and crude; they’re fluffy creatures famous for collecting nuts, not flaunting their buttocks and swearing while smoking cigars amid copious amounts of blood, which is what made the game such a hit with fans. Well, it turns out that our famous ginger rodent has had a hard time of it since the game released, finding it difficult to get work elsewhere.
‘The early 2000s were a different time,’ said Conker as we chatted with him during a smoke break outside the local swimming pool where he works as a janitor’s assistant, ‘we’d just come from the Motley Crüe era into the WWF Attitude era, and everyone wanted bad boys. Rare called me up and asked if I could fit the role after my stint in Diddy Kong Racing; they’d seen my drifting skills and thought I could be the next big thing, the Bret Hart of Nintendo, so I naturally said yes.’
We asked whether the idea of making the game so crude bothered Conker, and how it was filming some of the deleted scenes that were too gory to make the cut of the game. ‘It took a bit of getting used to initially,’ said Conker, ‘I’m not a loud kind of guy by nature, but there were times when I forgot where the character ended and I began. The guy you see, it’s not me, but since the games ended all anyone sees is the beer-guzzling bad lad who visits strip clubs. Then there was that lawsuit misunderstanding and people started calling me the Mr McMahon of gaming. It’s all an act, but it’s made it hard to get more serious roles. I auditioned for one of the Chip ‘n’ Dales, the chipmunks and not the muscly guys, but they just laughed me off the set.’
We had to wrap up the interview there as Conker had to get back to scrubbing the bottom of the pool. I asked him whether he was happy with his new life and if he planned to take action against Rare for this unfair portrayal. ‘I like keeping my head down,’ said Conker, ‘being a gaming rockstar was fun, but me and Berri have a nice little life going here now. A good tree, nuts on the table, we’re happy.’
Life keeps on moving, and what we wanted while we were younger isn’t always the same as we grow older. After Conker’s debaucherous lifestyle, whether it was an act or otherwise, I’m not surprised he’s happy to kick back a little. Still, if they did a remaster of this game for the Mature section of Nintendo Switch Online, something tells me he’d ditch the mop and scrubbing brush in a heartbeat. He might be living in a world of plungers and blu roll, but hearing the Great Mighty Poo say ‘I’m Flushing’ one more time is probably too big of a pull for him to ignore!
