He’s been collecting your precious bells for years now, becoming one of the most ferocious business presences in any computer game since the dawn of time, and it looks like it’s finally paid off. Tom Nook might look like a cute little Tanooki, but inside that innocent furry exterior is a devious capitalist who has kept me growing fruit and selling dinosaur fossils for years now just to pay off the extortionate loans on my Island house.
Musk, who has a reported wealth of over $260 Billion, is widely considered to be the richest business person on the planet. Or at least he was until Nook called in his latest loans from New Horizon’s players all over the globe. The Nook Inc. CEO who is no stranger to property development and opening up new businesses on his islands is now worth a whopping 300 Billion Bells after his latest debt collection, which coincidentally is how much I think I’ve got to pay to build the newest bridge model on my island. Each bell has a real-world gold value of $5, meaning Nook could well become the most powerful business force we’ve ever seen.
With plans to open Tomsla & NookX to compete with Musk’s company, Tom Nook is taking his tried and tested business strategy off the Island and onto the streets. ‘I’ve never built on the moon before,’ said Nook on a Zoom call from Nook Inc. HQ, ‘I can see lots of opportunities to market campgrounds to neighbouring aliens and have Dodo Airlines carry out expeditions around the galaxy. I’ve got a great idea of turning the Tanooki Kart from Mario Kart 8 into an iconic electric family-sized truck too – it’s going to be the next biggest thing.’
Asking an almost extinct species to pilot rockets to distant planets doesn’t sound like a great idea to me, and neither does having a vehicle with a furry tail as its main feature, especially when you live in a rainy country like I do. Still, as I’m currently in more debt to Nook Inc. than the entirety of my university campus was to the government back in 2011, I’m going to keep my mouth shut.
I reached out to Elon Musk for comment about his business rivals’ newest figures but was told that he was currently negotiating a deal over a Tyrannosaurus torso with Timmy and Tommy and collecting bugs to give to Flick. We’ve all been there, Elon – I’m up to my ears in Giant Clams just to be able to afford to buy back all the Halloween decor I sold earlier in the year, so I know how you feel.
Who knows what could happen next – could we be about to see Tom Nook, the world’s richest business owner, running for President of the United States? I’m sure the Department of Housing & Urban Development would get a bit of a shakeup, but I pity the taxpayer once this tenacious Tanooki gets a hold of the budget. Does anyone know where the nearest Wooly Mammoth skull is or where I can catch a Vampire Squid in a hurry – I need to pay my rent!
